Today I started my day off right when I opened my email and saw three people commented on my last post. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but it meant a lot to me. Yesterday was the first post I intentionally published and to which I pointed people. Other times I have just put it up there but hoped no one would actually read it. Just hearing that someone else feels the same way, that I am not insane, that it is okay to feel the way I feel.
Affirmation is a powerful thing. It was lovely to hear from people I know and don’t know related and appreciated my writing. This reminds me to continue to do things that scare me. When I first moved to Portland OR, I said it was the last time I could pick up and leave everything I knew with no one to meet me at the other side. It is too hard to say goodbye and too hard to start over. But that’s where the good stuff bubbles up.
I started BGI to scare myself. I knew BGI would make me do two things that I don’t like doing but want to improve on: working in teams and giving presentations. Since 2009, it’s truly amazing how much things have changed. Presentations get easier each time (even though I still have trouble eating the day of) and I find myself really enjoying the teamwork.
I also find myself over stimulated and over exposed. Through the intense social-ness and self-reflection at school, sometimes I actually feel numb. I say to myself, I seriously can’t fucking talk about this anymore. I cannot reveal anything else and I cannot meet one new person that I know is fabulous, but I just don’t have the ability to give and receive anymore. This is not a bad problem to have: too much love and too much opportunity to take hold of.